Dawn Is Me

I’ve finally figured it out.

I figured out why my marriage failed.

I’ve known all along that, while it would be really easy to think that Baker is just too neurotic to be married to, it wasn’t all him.

Well, it was but … well, let me explain.

I’m watching him with his fiancee — well, I’m not really. He is keeping that very private and I’m not really interested. But he is also making overtures toward developing some kind of relationship with his youngest son.

Developing a relationship with his youngest son has proved to be an easy thing for him, fortunately. They can speak gamer at each other and play Mafia Wars together. Baker is even encouraging said fiancee to reach out to said youngest son.

So, why was he able to successfully mend his fences with Ricky when he batted out with both his daughters?

If you were to ask him, he would probably tell you that it’s because I turned them against him.

But the real culprit here is … nobody.

Ricky is undemanding. That’s why he can get along with his dad.

Neither Gina nor Kimmie are undemanding. Au contraire, as a matter of fact.

Gina and Kimmie were not okay with him constantly breaking his promises to them.

Gina eventually got disgusted with him for playing stupid power games with her.

Kimmie cannot forgive him for abandoning her when she needed him to protect her.

Gina needed her father to acknowledge that she is a competent adult now, and not a precocious 8-year-old.

Kimmie needed her father to acknowledge that he was wrong about her and that she didn’t deserve how people (including him) were treating her back then.

I could go on but I think you get the point.

Ricky has needs, too. He needs a reasonably decent role model. He is not going to find it in his father. But Ricky doesn’t know that yet and I don’t know if it’s going to matter to him any time soon.

Besides, I expect I can provide him with a few much better role models, so that he has a bit more to work with. Or at least, so that he can make a few comparative studies and have behavioral options.

But that’s why my marriage failed. I am not undemanding, either.

I needed my husband to behave as if I mattered to him.

I needed my husband to behave as if I was attractive to him.

I needed my husband to behave as if he was interested in his offspring.

I’m just unreasonable that way.

It’s probably a good thing for Ricky to have a good relationship with his father and his new wife.

But I can understand why it pisses Kimmie off.

Just so you know, I am still a non-smoker. Yay, me!

Spouse, on the other hand, has already fallen off the wagon. He has been good enough to confine his smoking to the outdoors but I wonder what’s going to happen in January?

Much as I would like to keep Louis CK on the front page here because I just so enjoy that Conan clip, I figure I ought to update this blog at least once a month.

So, now that the housekeeping is out of the way.

I find myself at a transitional point, a crossroad in my life. In fact, I’m feeling a bit like a chrysalis, in the process of transforming into … what? A moth? A butterfly?

Mothra? Hard to say.

I’ll have more to say about new directions on new paths and larval metamorphosis in future posts. In any event, whatever I wind up turning into, I am wondering how many of the people who are in my life now will still be in my life when I’m done?

This is about How To Have Relationships With Dawn, and about the number of people who don’t seem to know How To Have Relationships With Dawn.

An odd sort of thing. I never thought it was especially hard but, since I am Dawn, what do I know?

So, for the uninitiated, here’s the thing about Relationships With Dawn: I’m not the sort of person who likes to do things with you. I won’t call and say, “Hey, let’s go bowling!”

Or “let’s go to the movies!”

Or “let’s pick up guys young enough to be our offspring and boink ‘em!”

That’s not really my style.

If you and I are going to be friends (or have any other sort of relationship, for that matter), that means we will talk.

We will explore each others’ minds though the enjoyment of rational, intelligent conversation about things that may or may not have to do with ourselves personally. We can talk about you and we can talk about me. We can also talk about the geopolitical situation and about neuroscience and about fitness videos and about classic movies and about twitter and about our favorite books and …

Well, I expect you get the idea.

It all comes down to this: my relationships consist of conversations.

So, if we’re not talking, then we’re not having a relationship.

Ponder that … and get back to me, if you’re feeling so inclined.