Dawn Is Me

I find that, while I’m usually quite cheerful, I am also profoundly unhappy.

And I’ve come to the conclusion that there are basically two kinds of people in the world.

Some people — I’m beginning to think most people — are passive. They like to sit back and just let life happen to them. Or maybe ‘like’ is the wrong word. People like that seem to me to be frightened, feel helpless and see very little.

Some of them do nothing. Others fill their hours with busy-work that creates the illusion of movement, sort of like running in place.

Then there’s the other set of people, the ones who are active. They have their eyes on a prize of one sort or another and they work hard to overcome the obstacles, including their own fears. Their vision is broad, vast and running in place is incredibly frustrating for them.

I consider myself to be that second sort of person and my problem right now is that I am surrounded by the first sort.

Here’s another discovery I’ve made: when you are the sort of person who is inclined to grab life by the throat and shake it until its teeth rattle, until it kneels abject at your feet humbly giving you all it has to offer …

… it is much easier for passive people to turn themselves into albatrosses around your neck than it is for you to help them grow wings on their feet.

I wonder why that is?

There’s nothing pre-meditated about the folks in my life who are dragging me down. I’m sure they don’t know that they’re doing it. In fact, they probably don’t give me a thought at all. In addition to being fearful and inclined to see themselves as victims, they are also incredibly self-involved. Possibly that comes with the territory.

Unfortunately, I can’t do anything for them. Equally unfortunately, I’ve come to see that I’m going to have to start viewing them as another set of obstacles I need to overcome to get where I want to go.

To tell you the truth, I’m kind of pissed. I’d be a lot more pissed if I thought it was all deliberate.

And anyway, sitting around being pissed is a waste of time. Better to map out a strategy to get around the bumps in the road.

I see now that I can’t take anybody with me to someplace they don’t want to go, even if that place is Nirvana. No, I don’t mean that I’m planning to run away from home. I just mean that I refuse to give up on my dreams, no matter who gets in my way.

When I was 14 years old, I made myself a promise that I would do what I needed to do in my life to make myself happy. I haven’t been keeping that promise. I need to fix that.

And I will.