Dawn Is Me

Well, not if he/she doesn’t happen to have a spare router handy.

[We interrupt your regularly scheduled life for this special techno-geek announcement ... ]

Yes, fans, the entire household network is down because the 8-port router has died (RIP). I’m not precisely going through Net withdrawal because my spouse has kindly made his computer available while he dashes out to get a new one.

Hope he gets back soon. From my desk, there isn’t much I can do (that I ought to be doing) without access. There are only so many games of Free Cell that a body can play, and even Inuyasha gets tired after the first seven hours.

A day without Net access is like a day without sunshine.

[We now return you to your regularly scheduled life ... always assuming, of course, that you have one.]

[tags]Linksys, routers, networked computers, technology[/tags]

Sometimes you learn things about people from doing their laundry.

(That’s why moms run the world.)

Here’s an example, something I found myself contemplating today: what do you learn about somebody from where their jeans wear out?

The kids are really simple. All of them poke holes in the knees of their jeans. That’s because all four of them were born with knives attached to their knees, sort of like Wolverine but only in that one spot.

Hey, I have reason to know about the knives. I was there. I knew there was a reason why everybody said childbirth was so painful.

Spouse and I are a very different matter.

I wear my jeans out in the time-honored feminine fashion of the threadbear interior thigh syndrome — a condition caused by the continual rubbing together of female thighs that used to be farther apart than that … but we won’t go there.

My spouse, on the other hand, seems to wear his jeans out in a curious spot, right there where his left ball resides.

Now … why do you suppose that is?

Is it the way he sits? Is it the way he crosses his legs to give the cat a place to be?

Or maybe … maybe both his balls spend their time inside those jeans gasping for air … fighting feverishly for their freedom … working the cotton threads with little files or flint or something while he’s busy talking on the phone. Maybe the left ball keeps breaking free because it’s just got more issues and more hostility than the right one.

Of course, there are always a few strands of cotton left across the hole, just enough to keep him from getting away completely, but still …

Sometimes, you gotta wonder …

Wow. Just … wow.

In case you happen to have one of those lovers who regularly examines the beaver hair for those tell-tale touches of gray that betray how much you lied about your age, the never-ending genius of human innovation has the answer.

Meet Betty Beauty, as far as I know, the first hair coloring product for the snatch. And believe me, the only reason I linked to it was to prove I didn’t make this up!

Now you know just what to get that special woman in your life for her Christmas present!

George Carlin had it right: “In America, we’ll buy anything — anything! You nail together two things that have never been nailed together before, some schmuck will buy it from you … ”

Oy.

(And props to BlogHer Elana Centor of Funny Business for pointing out this lovely episode in American capitalism.)