Dawn Is Me

So … just how hard is it to be Dawn this week?

I find it pretty difficult, mostly because of how I’m surrounded by people and still manage to feel so all alone.

Of course, some of my children will read this and protest. And I guess I could wrap myself up in their love if I wanted to escape how I’m feeling right now. Only, if I did that, then I’d find it impossible to let go when I’ll need to. Eventually, they’d hate me.

Helicopter Mom. Not my style. I know that, even if they don’t.

The primary thought in my head about this is: being alone in this way must make it much easier to contemplate death.

Man, I really need to pull my head outa my ass.

You wouldn’t think it to listen to all this whiney stuff but I’m actually doing some very cool things for myself these days. Things that will, eventually, result in a Dawn that looks good and feels good (healthy) and all that nifty stuff.

The issue is in the Getting There.

Sometimes, Getting There is just no fun at all. I find that I have issues when my ideas of who I am — which includes stuff like what I look like and how I think and what I need to get through a day — conflict with reality.

The sad fact is that no amount of baby soft skin is going to make the average woman look good in a cosmetic mud mask. She enjoys having the soft and youthful skin but not the wearing of the mask.

And, of course, if you ask her to stroll down Broadway wearing the mask, you are likely to have a mutiny on your hands.

That’s where I’m at right now, taking analogies into account. It’s silly and I gotta tell you that one of the things life can throw at you that really truly SUCKS is when you get depressed and feel stupid about it at the same time.

I mean, under those circumstances, you can’t even feel properly sorry for yourself because you’re too busy making fun of yourself.

Clearly, I need something to take my mind off of me. I’ll work on that.