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« Come see about me | Home | Slow down, you’re going too fast »

So far away

By Me | August 2, 2005

… it would be so fine to see your face at my door,
and it doesn’t help to know
that you’re so far away

David is back in the hospital, this time all the way out in Ithaca at the Cayuga Medical Center. He was threatening suicide again and the folks at the Binghamton Adolescent Treatment Center said he had been acting out in a low-key but decided way that seemed to indicate that he was hallucinating again.

I’ve been told in recent months that people who are trained in this sort of things can just look at him and see when he is seeing things that nobody else can see.

I don’t really think the suicide threats were very serious. He has fallen into the rather manulative habit of threatening to kill himself every time something seriously pisses him off. But the fact that it’s been more than a year now and nobody has managed to get him stabilized on his meds is a cause for ongoing concern.

You see, we pretty much can’t do a thing with him — help him finish high school, start thinking about job training or continuing education, or independent living if he wants that — until he isn’t seeing people who don’t exist anymore.

Let’s say it would be a bit of a disadvantage during a job interview.

So, the folks at the hospital agree with me (at least, at this stage of the game) that it is of the utmost importance to get him stable. That’s the point of this exercise.

David, of course, is really upset at finding himself back in the hospital. This particular manipulation wound up blowing up in his face (if it was a manipulation; I still can’t really tell). I talked to him on the phone for a few minutes today and he sounded so pathetic and I know he wants to come home really badly. Every minute he’s gone just convinces him further that he’s never going to come home.

Tomorrow, we’ll be meeting with the doctor who’s treating him and then we’ll get to visit with him and maybe join him for lunch. We won’t be allowed to leave the premises and I don’t know if they’re set up to feed us or if we have to find food or what. That’s not really important, though, is it? (Isn’t it funny how your brain latches onto completely irrelevant little details when it can’t cope with the big things that life throws your way?)

I feel good about the prognosis. The top priority is getting the medications stabilized. But David is in a lot of pain, and he’s very scared. Every time I talk to him and can hear it in his voice, I can feel it rolling off him in waves, even over the phone.

We’ll fix this. We’ll get there. And sometime within the next seven days, David will be back home where he belongs.

One more song about moving along the highway
Can’t say much of anything that’s new
If I could only work this life out my way
I’d rather spend it being close to you
But you’re so far away …

Topics: Special Needs |