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For Steve
By Me | May 4, 2005
I don’t have very many friends. That’s because it’s a word I don’t use lightly.
Friends are people you’ve known long enough to know that they’ll be there for you when you need them. Not necessarily to bail you out if you do something stupid and land in jail. But they are people who earn your trust.
So, asks Steve, how do you know who you can trust?
Well, you don’t … at least, not right at first. You start with people with the little things they reveal about themselves. How they treat you. How you observe them treating other people. As you watch them, deal with them … are they honest? are they kind? when they are confronted with other people’s pain, what do they do? Do they offer a comforting hug? a sympathetic ear? do they try to “fix” your problem for you? do they try to make you laugh?
And the degree to which you decide to trust them comes down to how you decide you want people to treat you.
If you lie about little things (like when you’re telling the gang about what you said in that situation), then how can I trust you not to lie about big things?
If you make fun of people who are less fortunate than you, how can I trust you not to find my own misfortune just as amusing?
If you react to your own pain by trying to avoid it, how can I trust you to be there for me when I am in pain?
Speaking personally, I could never really be friends with anybody who only wants to know me when I’m happy. A real friend is one who loves you in all your moods — whether you’re hurt or guilt-ridden or blindingly furious.
Here’s the real way you know you can trust somebody: if you can be yourself with them and they accept you just as you are at that moment and at every moment … that’s it.
That means they don’t get uncomfortable when you are hurt. They don’t have to try to cheer you up if what you really need is a shoulder to cry on.
That means they don’t have to run and hide when you’re angry. They’ll let you rant and rave and get it of your chest if you’re not mad at them. And they’ll hear you out and try to solve the problem (rather than getting mad at you in return) if you are mad at them.
That means they know when to shut up and just listen, rather than trying to fix your life for you because they have enough faith in you to know you can run your life yourself.
When somebody treats you like that, when they just let you be who you are …
Then that’s somebody you can trust.
It sounds simple, but it’s not. It sounds like it should be common, but it’s not that either. It is very rare.
I’ve been alive for more than 45 years and I can count the number of people I’ve found that from on one hand.
Those are the people who I call my friends. Most of them have been my friends for more than 25 years.
Because real friends really are forever.
Topics: Friends Are Forever |
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